Grief
by Tsa Ra Vier
Summary: It is very interesting. How one's connection to one another is through grief. Long time ago,where my father lived under the stars, I was a child. I tell a story of our king, my father,myself and my son. I was a child, a prince, a king, a father. Thranduil's POV. Also features lots of Doriathans.


_**Hello! ichi also made an attempt to write a fanfiction about Thranduil's life in Thranduil's point of view. Probably will be slight OOC as this is how I view Thranduil. I try keeping him as canon as possible so, any reviews and suggestion are greatly appreciated! Thranduil is also my favorite character in the entire Tolkien fandom ( ..although I draw more Thingol that spoke otherwise.). Thranduil is also my role model in one way, a reason to stand up and live. So, here you go uvu ;;**_

_**Again. Please tell me of grammar and typos as ichi is very very horrible at those.**_

**Grief**

**Summary :It is very interesting. How one's connection to one another is through grief. Long time ago,where my father lived under the stars, I was a child. I tell a story of our king, my father,myself and my son. I was a child, a prince, a king, a father. Thranduil's POV**

**Characters : Thranduil, Oropher, Thingol, Luthien, LOTS of Doriathans are mentioned. LOTS... and Legolas.**

**Disclaimer : all characters belongs to J.R.R Tolkien**

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><p>It is very interesting. How one's connection to one another is through grief. Long time ago,where my father lived under the stars. There is a king of silver who ruled over green lands. He is no he was crowned king because people think he is worthy. He needed no great big crown to see him as king. He has only a crown of hair. His own tied up silver hair which occasionally tied up high as he lifted two or three of us who can't walk on our own. Bad things happened to us,my father told us long time ago. Some of us lose family, some of us were lucky enough to only lose one or two body unlucky ones? They lose their souls.<p>

Our king is do not believe of creatures in the darkness who was once our brother. He too, lost his brother... and something else that my father still can't place a name for. He still believes that the other king-his friend-will come back for them and save them. That hope diminishes in time, despair came. We go on. We need to reach that place.

Our king went missing. Father told me of the story. We loved our king very much that we decided to search for him. All in vain. The king's other brother made a promise to our king that we will get there. Some of us loved the woods too much to leave, some of us will not leave without our king, some follows the king's other brother. My father and my grandfather decided to stay and look for our has the tendency to get lost anyway but he never ever leave us behind for no reason.

My grandfather was lost as well. Like the and more of us are lost. My father was a child back then but he went on searching. Some of us never came back from the forest. My father's friend started going missing. My father do not because he didn't have anyone else that he fears will go he loves is lost. He never told me how many, but he mentioned his father,his mother,his friends, his other friends who left with the king's other brother, many...

The king came back. He was different...but good king probably didn't remember my father but that is are happy to see the king again.

The king is better now. He has a wife if a great beauty and power yet he is not overshadowed by her. He still carries the injured ones and his wife-the queen- heals us with her great magic. There, they decided there will be no pain,no suffering, no more grief was allowed. They made a shield to protect all of us. My father is amazed.

My father went to the queen. He asked her to teach him that will protect us all. Magic of the shield. The queen agrees on one condition. My father must find a kin...our kin in distress and bring it to her. My father looked for that person. He finds the king instead and brings him to the queen. It takes me a while to understand why the queen was so impressed with my father.

My father is apprentice now.

As I write, I tell tales if grief which was recorded in the history is not wrong, but it is not also the whole truth. History is always biased. Who wrote it? Why? We must learn to understand that they have their own point of view. That goes for me too actually...

My father lost a lot, like the king. His temper often gets the better if father speaks whatever he wants. If he dislikes something,he shows it. He has lots if enemies, but more friends that he ever expected. One that still confused him is the one with ice on his is very warm,but father dislikes everything about his kin. Dislike? Maybe hate is better.

So, ice person and my father grew up not together but friends...but not friendly friends as well... not hate... not love.I'm confused as well.

Grief connects my father with the king. They can talk for hours with lots if crying and always ended up in a few dozen bottles of Dorwinion though. Me and the princess sits together shaking our we bake cookies and pies. For some reason,our stock of honey cakes always went missing in the shadows with a note of 'Thank You'.

We caught the marchwarden and guard eating our pies,but never honey cakes.

My father grew tall and I am a leaf,he shall be a tree. He loved nature perhaps a bit more than one normally appreciates flowing water. Animals of every kind come to him for showed him their nests and he becomes an honoured guest at their home.

I never told much of my mother. She was the king's assistant. My father is the queen's apprentice. They... love each other...maybe. Well, I'm guessing they do love each other enough to have me? She was fading. I recall and old story of an old war my father told. They both lost a father is much stronger. He chooses mother nonetheless. He always told me that he is dying too.

It was his favourite word.

"I will be king, and I will die."

By no means it was to overthrow our king though.I mean,by the time my father started telling that, our king has been murdered. I no longer saw the princess nor bake pies together with her. She had grown like a woman, fell in love and went on a legendary adventure that was told in songs. I pursued my studies inside the crumbling kingdom. I learned histories alone and close myself like the king before. I never know why I turned into a secluded cold person too but I have some guess.

The grief has eaten me too.

I remember running with my father. My mother faded not long after the king died. The queen was also struck with this sickness called grief and went do not blame we all could go away we would. The broken city of a thousand caves is our home. Well,was our home. I remember the king giving me a lift and held me in his strong arms. Now, I am lifting the king's great granddaughter while the king's grandson took a last stand protecting our scarred city.

I can fight too.

But protecting her is much more important.

Far from home, I stay comfortable in my solitude. I keep my attendance and common courtesy but never too far from what was needed. I took comfort in a new form called drinking. Since my father stopped drinking due to painful reminder of the king,I started. It was not long until people thought of me as a party person. They were horrified when lashed out otherwise. I do not talk,or dance,or sing at those parties. I drink. I do not eat or even laugh.I drink till I am numb,till the pain was drowned away.

Enough about me. I will be back telling of my father. He is always an assistant to the little queen-our king's great granddaughter-. I balanced my life out of working,studying and drinking. Sometimes I still practiced my weapons but I have no permanent sparring partner.

Then comes another tale which was written in greatness and songs. The war after was horrible. Enough was said for the matter. Battles that was exhausting both mind and soul,scars appeared and vanish like shooting stars, losing the sight of everyone you used to know. Suddenly, everyone you knew and cherish is a common greyface. Bodies and head were everywhere and it was mind-numbing. How many ? Unnumbered was far too less in my mind.

Everyone that survived was different from when it started. I too have changed. I can feel it. My need to drink was great but my need to see my father was of course stared at each other for a long time. Battered and bruised far more than our liking. We do not show affection,not even an a pat in the back telling me a good work. We do not become distant. We just got a mutual understanding that feelings was not necessary needed for a long after all of this. It still haunts us in sleep.

My slight regret is I do not bake pies anymore.

I cannot fathom my father's decision to send me away to live with that man with ice eyes.I wanted to be with him not further away from him. It doesn't matter now. I understand his concern although I do not always support them. I tried my best to be what my father expects from me. Obedient, calm and slightly rebellious. He didn't mind me having almost to none friends. I have acquaintances and that will do just fine. Delving into another person's life will bring nothing but misery. I learned that through my father.

I did made friends I could consider him as a friend that is. We didn't always share common interest but we have mutual understanding of each is is is one of the famous half-blood. He took me as a really honest-rude- friend and I took him without seeing his background. It is grief. Always grief that connects all of us.

My father has a secret. His secret is that h:e always goes alone through the forest literally bonding with the forest. He made friends with the animals, birds and forest guardians. He was always awarded with gifts. Most distinct one is his cloak made of gathered feathers of his friends. I saw him wearing that cloak on his coronation as king.

There are our kin in the far east one of my father's friends. They crowned my father made me a father never wanted to be king. He knew the burden that would change him forever. Power has that kind of effect on anyone. He told me that once you wear a crown on your head, you are never yourself. You are 'The King' and never was the easiest explanation given to me that day. I was given a choice,to stay or to be prince and never to be myself. I have lost sight of myself since long time ago. I choose to be prince. A prince without crowns of gems. Prince of the forest of green, of twigs and brances, I was crowned in leaves and berries.

The prince joins the king-father,my father- to war. We promised never have to join one again but it must be that this is the one last time. My king is tall,proud and our king of old. At least that is...what the other kin led by the one with ice eyes said. He was also king. It is easy to say that my king hates him but I knew better that they are long friends. He will die,my father kept reminding me. My father will king will die. He knew his time has come. My king and all who swore to serve him will look tall,proud and stubborn. All to give that chance of an attack they never knew will succeed. No,I believe my father as I believe my king. The attack will succeed. We will suffer under it but not for long. The king believes the prince is strong and he will be.

My father is king and he will die.

What looks like a tragedy we sees it as triumph. The plan flowed perfectly. Of course I was struck with grief but not the prince. Horror,tragedy and fear of the shadows only makes the prince stronger. Because the prince has a great king-because I have a great father-. The prince rode back home to his with scars and pains and wounds so deep that it will not heal. He has no blame to anybody. He just have to play his part really well.

So the prince becomes king.

I am king of the green forest. A king who his father told was protected by the king before him.A king who was loved by too much that he cannot suffer loss and grief for a long time.A king who looks arrogant buy has a clear mind of what to do.A king who looks at the future but never lets go of the present and learn from the prince should be that king.A king who irks at self-pity. A king who is not I.

The king had a kingdom, at least what is left of the great green forest it as if the previous king shattered that seemingly perfect made crown and lets the prince collects them again piece by piece and assemble was the prince's decision to make it look broken, to form the same seemingly perfect crown or to create something much more beautiful. The choice is always give up or to stubbornly move on. There's also a choice of staying in place, to reflect yourself and to think. Actions and reactions are made by those king knows the past is a learning tool. Learn from success and not to make the same mistakes of the past. It is not an easy journey, but it is worthwhile.

The king-me- is not that made others look with scorn in the king's secluded and quiet nature. A king that always throws magnificent feast as to show gratefulness and to hide sorrow. A king who protects his people but only his people. A king who stays in his now dark forest covered in strands of malice. He is the king who tries to stay sane when misfortune gets to him. He who looks at the plains one time or another to find and relive his tragic memory of the past. It was not out of was to remind the king who always tries to forget of his own and his people's scars.

Then, she came into my the king's life,but mine. Frank-probably rude- lithe silvan elf with bright forest eyes. A voice keeps telling me,she is the who rejects you but loved the forest as much as you do. There is no courting or love is queen for a king,and a company for the troubled troubled soul. She blends in quickly,like she belongs with the forest in the first place and making him the belongs to the forest that their people forgets that she is queen, they think she is the embodiment of the forest. She is fragile, frank but sometimes dark in mood. She is very sickly. Although my condition is not better than her. Isolation, to keep danger outside and to keep outside from the danger within. A dark heart, is dangerous. More than any blade ever known to us.

It will gnaw into my heart and the king's. Refuse all I want,I know someday it needs healing. I know tales of old how darkness could change a person, like light and like power. Darkness is much more potent than any poison. It will absorb too quickly in one's mind and...overflows.

At troubled times, the queen brings the king to of politics or culture, but up high above the trees where the stars still guides our kin. We marveled the great creation of the lady of the stars,holding hands and smiling. That is the medicine for bitter soul, 'hope'.

Hope comes in another form. Our son, a new leaf amongst the great dark forest. A new fresh beginning was our hope that comes from his birth and a new heir for the kingdom under the nightshade. I am not as good as my father to raise a child.I do not expect great things or asked my son to become a certain figure. I only taught him to is an endless possibility for a child. Do not stay on one perspective, not to be biased, take note on everything thought and take consideration of which is good or bad. Always ask why but understand that some things are just too far to comprehend. Be modest, humble and do not afraid to make mistakes. Clean up your own mess, ask help if needed, and remember that the world is connected in one way or another.

By the time my son is a toddler, the queen vanish from my life. It is best not to tell what misfortune befalls on her. It is alright. It is is not what the king cannot handle. Just another scar deep-etched in the king's heart. A scar of everlasting grief and sorrow. Drink to forget. Drink and make all things disappear from sight. Drink with a paperwork on my left hand and my son on my right. Drink and you will not notice how your advisor told you that you overwork nonsense. The kingdom needs his prince needs his king. My son need his father.

I am fine.

The king is fine.

Even when a band of stunted people came raiding our feast and locked in our dungeon, the king is fine. Even when the dragon awake and raids the little town in the lake,the king is fine. The king come to their aid, in silence. Reminds me of some vague connection to the past. Learn from the .

Even when the whole cruel battle awakened his long memories of old, the king is fine. Even when the scars long placed in his somewhat hollow heart reopened, the king is fine. The king thought he can't live another torment, he is wrong-I am wrong. The king survived yet another battle, but the battle of his own heart still goes.

He let's go the prince.

I let go my only son.

For what ? A quest to end the darkness once and for all. Is is worth losing my son ? Is it worth the isolation of a kingdom?

Go.

And the last battle under the trees. The king defended the kingdom he inherited through his father. Leading all of their people once more. I promised, one last time. One last stand while the fire burns above the your eyes and feel it in your soul, they are calling. I will be home soon.

Restored the kingdom of old. Greener than ever, filled with natural beauty. It looks slightly empty without the presence of my son, but beautiful nonetheless. My son should be going across the sea now. He too,succeed his quest. I am proud of father will too.

It has been a long time. All of my kin left beyond the sea. No more glorious kingdom,no more lords and kings. I do not want to sail. I told my son, we belonged to different halls. My footsteps traced into a wet pasture. Damp old waters filled with corpses of old. There I saw him, twice. My father smiling, inviting, it is time.

I plunged into the water, holding the rotten corpse of my father.

It is finished now.

As a spirit I do not hope for much for what was waiting for me in the halls of the dead. I remember memories. Pleasant memories of great kingdoms of old, of pies and honey cakes, of love and... my father.

I smiled.

I know you.


End file.
